And all you have to do is cry
by JaneIsles
Summary: It's House funeral and Cuddy is trapped in a terrible dream, remembering him. Hardly on the verge of going insane and Stacy comes to comfort her based on the song "Are you alright?" by Lucinda Williams.


And all you have to do is cry

_**And all you have to do is cry**_

_Are you alright?_

_All of sudden you went away._

_Are you alright?_

_I hope you come back around someday._

_Are you alright?_

_I haven't seen you in a real long time._

_Are you alright?_

_Could you give me some kind of sign?_

_Are you alright?_

The chilling autumn breeze touches her skin and she closes her eyes for a moment. She hears the leaves that start to loose their wonderful colours, rustle when the wind goes by and it's time for a change.

She walks down a never ending path, the longest walk of her life and she doesn't realize what she's doing.

Earlier this day she chose a wonderful black dress, and took it on. It's nothing special, but she's sure that someone would like it, and her hair? Her hair rests smooth on her shoulders, a few hairs fall into her face every now and then because of the wind, but she doesn't bother about this.

Since she woke up, she feels like being trapped in a dream and there's no chance to get out of it, no matter what she does.

Everyone expects her to be there and so she does what they want her to do. She goes on slowly.

Step by step, watching the sun, that starts to set at the horizon. The wonderful sun, that seems to have lost everything of the comforting warmth and she shivers.

She sees Wilson standing close to her and she forces herself not to look away.

She feels uncomfortable, like a person who's trapped in a stranger's body.

Are you okay? He asks her with his always calm voice and she asks herself if he also speaks to patients like this when he tells patients that they will die, and she nods without a word.

She looks around and recognizes a couple of more people and the expressions on their faced tell her that something happened, but she couldn't say what it is.

What's going on here? She wants to know on an absent, almost whispering voice. Can't we just go back to work? This is not funny anymore.

Who do you think you are? He wants to know and a trace of pity goes along with his voice.

She lets her eyes wander around the area that almost looks like a park and through the black curtain of people, her eyes focus on flowers and she looks back to Wilson, shaking her head in disbelief, and she still doesn't know what to think.

She goes on and watches the wonderful flowers that look like they don't belong there with its colours of happiness when everyone seems to be so unhappy.

Time passes by and she is forced to sit in a row with people she hardly knows except the ones who work for her every day.

Again and again, she thinks about sitting in her office, waiting for House to come and disturb her as usual. She recognizes someone's voice from very far away, but the words don't reach her ears. She stares into the air in front of her and prays for someone to get her out of there. She feels scared and something lasts in her heavily and it becomes harder and harder to breathe.  
She stands up when every one else does it and she just follows them without knowing what to do, but she doesn't cry.

A lot of people do, but she can't and she'll do it perfectly, because everyone expects her to.

She leaves the area that still looks like a park and finds herself in the middle of a crowded room with people all around her. She closes her eyes and wants to get out of here. She wants to scream, but no one would hear her.

Standing between all those people scares her and she feels terribly and they wouldn't even look up when she would start to scream.

She needs to breathe, but it's getting harder with every minute.

She looks around and hates everyone she sees. Why are they here? Everyone complained about him and they all liked to say what a jerk he is and they shouldn't be here. She hates them for pretending to be sad and she hates them for talking about him the way they do and she has to get out of here. She has to get out before her feelings take charge of her and she can't let that happen. She isn't allowed to.

She quickens her step when she reaches the door and steps into the freezing cold. She starts to walk, not knowing where she should go; she just walks, faster and faster.

After a while, she knows where she should go; where she's supposed to be all the day.

She should be at work and wait. Wait for something to happen. Her walk turns into running and the cold air fills her lungs with every step that her feet carry her as fast as possible.

Her heart beats heavily against her chest and it starts to hurt. She feels the pain inside her head and for a moment, she thinks that she'll loose consciousness, but she can't stop running through the night.

She feels sick after running for a long time and she breathes heavily into the silence. She took another entrance, because she doesn't want to be seen and she falls to the ground.

She tries to becalm her breathe and closes her eyes, could sweat runs down her back and she couldn't stand up. She doesn't want and slowly she remembers one of her lonely birthdays.

One of those she doesn't spent with him. The only thing she remembers is that she got heavily drunk and she lay on the ground, because she couldn't walk anymore and suddenly he was there and she didn't know what happened exactly, but he brought her home.

Maybe she should stay where she is and wait for him to get home again.

She forces herself to stand up after a while when her body starts to shiver and leans against the wall. She walks carefully, fighting against the dizziness that attacks her.

Where are you? She whispers. Tell me where you are.

She goes on and wonders where the people are and is glad at the same time that there is no one who could talk to her.

She leaves her shoes behind, walking along the floor on her bare feet.

Her feet lead her to the ambulance and she walks into the dark and scary silent hall. She never realized how huge the hall is when it's empty.

She stands in the middle of it, laying her head in her neck. She feels her blood pounding inside her head and it makes her sick.

She turns around slowly touch watch every part of the hall.

Patients should be here, but there were reasons for her to close the ambulance tonight, but she can't remember why.

She watches her shivering hands and than she sees him walking into the ambulance and she can't move anymore.

I've been waiting, she whispers and turns to him but he just walks by without looking at her.

She takes a step forward and another memory seeps into her mind like a flashlight.

It was almost night when she was about to go home and she walked down the stairs without noticing that there is someone else and walked into him and the time seemed to stand still.

She closes her eyes and everything seems to turn around in slow motion.

She felt stunned and this was the first time she was close to him and she keeps on telling herself that it'll happen again. That he'll come back and save her from the hell that brings her down and notices that she's falling apart.

She opens her eyes again and walks past her office, her fingers touching the cold surface of the door and she regretted that she wasn't here. She should've waited for him to come.

Where are you? She whispers and desperately and leans her cheek on the cold glass door. Don't stay away from me.

She feels exhausted and the dream that keeps her inside all the day won't let her go.

_Are you sleeping through the night?_

_Do you have someone to hold you tight?_

_Do you have someone to hand out with?_

_Do you have someone to hug and kiss you,_

_Hug and kiss you, hug and kiss you._

_Are you alright?_

She opens the door to his office carefully and walks in just like she did it thousands of times before, but this time, he isn't there.

She walks to his desk and ignores her cold feet and shakes her head again.

Where have you been gone? She says silent and swallows to keep her perfect face up.

She takes the ball from the desk and holds it with both hands.

She starts to feel scared. It's too calm in here, it can't be and she frightens when she drops the ball unnoticed. She watches it rolling away and she couldn't bring herself to pick it up. Helplessly she watches another memory withdrawing from her.

There's only one room where he can be and she enters the one next to her. The only light comes from the moon that shines through the windows.

She sits down on the table and watches him writing something on the board, but he doesn't notice her.

Can't you see me through the night? She asks and changes her seat.

She hardly sits on the table; he never likes the fact that she does this and messes up with his team.

She stares at her hands again that rest on the table, still trembling and the fear crawls around to take charge of her and she watches the room nervously. She knows that something is wrong, but she can't do anything about it.

She faces him and catches his icy-blue eyes that watch her through the darkness, reflecting her fear and the helplessness.

Please, why don't you help me? She begs him in a whispering voice and it starts to tremble for the first time, because the dream starts to fade.

She forces herself to get to her feet and a freezing cold spreads over her body.

She approaches carefully and holds out her hand and reaches nothing but air. She turns to the board and touches the letters he wrote with a hand and imagines him standing beside her, solving his case like he always did it.

Her eyes wander to the date written on the board that says oct.4th and the dream that kept her inside burst, because the calendar on the wall says oct.14th and she starts to realize the painful truth.

_Are you alright?_

_Is there something been bothering you?_

_Are you alright?_

_I wish you'd give me a little clue-  
Are you alright?_

_Is there something you wanna say?  
Are you alright?_

_Just tell me that you're okay._

_Are you alright?_

'_Cause you took off without a word._

_Are you alright?_

_You flew away like a little bird._

_Are you alright?_

_Is there anything I can do?_

_Are you alright?_

'_Cause I need to hear from you?_

_Are you alright?_

She tries to breathe when the pain hits her and tears flood her eyes when it hits her painfully. She takes the little sponge with a shivering hand and tries to wash the letters away.

"Lisa," Stacy says calm and breathless when she steps inside. "Lisa," she says again and approaches, but she can't turn around and look at her.

It breaks her heart when she watches her sobbing and heavily crying, desperately trying to clear the board.

"Don't do that," Stacy says and tries to fight against her sorrow. "Come here," she says and wants to take her hand, but she refuses.

"No, I have to do that," she says tearful and cries even more.

Stacy takes her last strength and she knows that she has to do it. She takes her hand and pulls her away from the board, soft but strong and ready for a fight, but she hadn't enough strength to fight.

Stacy lays her arms around her and leads her carefully to the ground when she breaks down in her arms.

"It'll be okay," Stacy whispers again and again and allows her own tears to flow.

She takes Lisa's face with both hands, tears streaming down her face.

"It'll be alright," she whispers tearful. "It'll be okay," she repeats with the hope that it will be okay someday. She lays her head on Lisa's shoulder and holds her as tight as possible as if she's afraid to loose her and they both couldn't help but cry about the pain and the loss and hope that the pain will go away.

_Are you sleeping through the night?_

_Do you have someone to hold you tight?_

_Do you have someone to hand out with?_

_Do you have someone to hug and kiss you,_

_Hug and kiss you, hug and kiss you._

_Are you alright?_


End file.
